For most of my life, I have felt stuck, especially with relationships. So, when I had the chance to let go of what had been keeping me from being happy, I got curious.
Below is my experience of doing a guided visualisation exercise with a world-class success coach. I am going to explain the activity step-by-step as if I was facilitating it to you.
First, I ask you to close your eyes and think of an area in your life where you feel stuck right now. When I first did this exercise, I felt stuck with relationships. (I was 37 years old at the time, single, and had previously been in two short, unsuccessful relationships.)
Next, I ask you to notice what feeling or emotion arises as you muse on where you feel stuck. For me, I felt frustrated and sensed not being good enough.
Then I ask you to scan your body, from the top of your head right down to the tips of your toes, and become aware of where you are feeling any tension, tightness, pain or numbness. For me, I felt a tightness along both of my shoulders.
Next, I ask you to zoom in on that sensation and notice its size, form, shape, colour, etc. For me, the tightness in my shoulders was shaped like a boomerang, dark, dense, and felt rough and hot to touch. I ask whether the feeling or emotion lurking inside the sensation is similar or different. For me, the sense of not being good enough became a lot stronger.
Now it gets interesting! I ask you to go back to the earliest memory you have of experiencing this same feeling and sensation in your body. (Most people go back to between the ages of three and eight because that’s when we tend to create the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves. In this activity, I went back to the age of 9.)
I continue to ask questions to give you a more definite sense of where you are, what is happening, and what was the limiting belief you made about yourself or your worthiness at that moment. For me, I was back in primary school, and I could see girls in my class interested in me, but I kept ignoring them, and soon they left me alone. Then I scene shifted. I was at home. Money felt scarce at that time as my dad was unemployed and we had old fashioned, worn-out furniture and an old car. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, and I didn’t want anyone to get close to me because I did not want anyone to see this. I could hear my thoughts inside my young mind creating a limiting belief that I was not good enough.
Then I ask you to be present-day self, and go back and talk to younger you, and let them know that whatever happened at the time, was, in fact, a gift that helped them later in life. For me, I told my younger self that I had done nothing wrong and that I was not to blame for anything. This experience had taught me to work hard and make a success out of my life.
Then I ask you to go forward and be who you are when you are 80 years old. You are wiser, enlightened and operating at a higher state of consciousness. I invite you to counsel your present-day self on how these experiences gave you new skills and awarenesses that strengthened you over time. For me, my older self explained that I become more compassionate and able to relate to others because I had experienced hardship, and these qualities helped me to be a hugely successful coach.
Next, I ask you to advise your present-day self on possible ways to move forward. For me, my advice was to forgive myself and to change my belief. My older self explained that the lack of money in my family back then was not caused by me and that women are attracted to me because of the person I am, not because of the material possessions I own. That last piece of advice sounded magical! Then I ask you to say goodbye, go back and become present-day you again.
The final instruction is to rescan your body and notice whether the first sensation had changed or stayed the same. For me, the boomerang-shaped, dark, dense vision had faded away and was almost entirely gone, and amazingly I no longer felt frustrated. I noticed that I felt much calmer, relaxed and enlightened.
After completing the exercise and writing down my thoughts, I realised that I had just removed a huge block that had been holding me back for years. It is a huge turning point for me, and now I do feel good enough to be in a relationship, to be happy, to enjoy a successful career, etc. It has also made me more forgiving and compassionate of the human race, as mostly we are not aware of what hides inside our unconscious minds.
Today, I am still single, but I am free and happy. And when the right woman comes along, I am ready to go and meet them because I know now that I am more than good enough.